clean it up, scrape it off, leave it behind

Yesterday was the first of 2015. January 1, 2015. Despite my exhaustion from partying on Wednesday I had an overwhelming urge to clean. Not just clean anything. I felt the urge to clean my room and my car. My room and my car are my sanctuaries. They are where I spend the majority of my time and ever since I moved home from college, they both have become very unwelcoming. They WERE cluttered. They WERE unhealthy. They WERE cramped. And then I cleaned it up. I scraped it off and I left it behind. The it is what you may be pondering over. The it’s I tossed out and cleaned up weren’t just things that cramped my being and flooded my peacefulness. They were memories. The it’s in my sanctuaries were the demons of my past and I destroyed them. When I was routing through my room I found things from exes, from old friends who burned me, things from who knows who, and lot’s and lot’s of dust and grime. And when I said goodbye to these things, I could feel the painfulness of these memories going with them and my sinuses clearing me! I set up a sort of shrine with some of my favorite pictures and memoirs from the years closest to present, hung little light lanterns and lit a lot of candles. I meditated in the middle of this clean room I had forgotten existed and it felt wonderful. I felt clean and not just from the absence of the dirt. But of the missing pains, the gone grime of my past that now lies in the dump. I feel free. And this is what I am focussing on in 2015. I love this free feeling so much it has become the basis of my being. FREE.

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